(no subject)

[calgabriel]

I hate MOST women... But maybe out there, there's a girl who I could hold close and kiss. It'd be nice to have a cheesy romance, putting notes in a girl's locker, following her around, admiring how she moves... A girl so perfect I could put away any bad fact about her -- any flaw wouldn't matter. Will love even to matter after BTK? Maybe, but as long as I live in the present, I'll find a girl. A girl that ACTUALLY loves me? That let's my flawed hands caress her..

I've never had any "hallway crush" or "love at first sight" but maybe she's out there... Sometimes I think, maybe my soulmate isn't even a romantic soulmate. Maybe it's just someone I'm intertwined spiritually with, like ReB.. Someone who I can follow and mimic.

Follower.. I've always been a protectee to the sheepdog, yet it's never helped. I've never TRUELY been protected from others. It's everyone's fault I'm like this.. I wasn't shielded, my vulnerable, mushy brain getting gauged out through my eyeholes. Every relationship feels like a lobotomy at this point, no more color, besides ReB.

Comments

[calgabriel]

I feel like I just have a hard time DEVELOPING feelings.. I'm literally just not in love with ██████, but I could never tell her..

[rebdomine]

I mean, you develop feelings if you guys are even romantic. If you think you're best friends, keep it that way and dont fuck it up by saying 'I love you sooo much'. LMAO. Even tho I know who you're talking about.

[calgabriel]

Hnng, it's just she asked me out first. I didn't have the heart to tell her no. It took me a year to warm up to.. Y'know who.. (Not previously mentioned)

^^^^
Plus, I think part of it stems from insecurity.. I have the mindset that there's no way a girl would like me and Q's SO obsessed with me.. Before we got together, I was her "hallway crush" and she'd stalk me at lunch because we had no classes..