School, smchool..

Kind of annoys me.. My school's having a "Suicide Prevention Walk," but let's be honest, you guys have NEVER cared. The day I turn my brains to slushy is the day you realize the only reason you care is because you're obligated to.

Well.. Actually, quite the opposite. You DON'T care because you know it's not your job to. You're only doing this for the money and the stigma, so everyone fawns over you and thinks you're the highest school in the county. Your job is to teach us, and that's it, you have too short of an attention span to be able to actually give a crap about the students.

:-(

Facade

I feel like I cease to think about myself sometimes, like I put others first all the goddamn time. Why do I always have to be second place? Not romantically, not to anyone else, just to me, myself, and I. I feel like relationships are all transactional; they take and they leave. I just want to love someone sincerely, put a GIRL first, not anyone I speak to. I feel like sometimes I forget my own name for others, forget that I'm VoDKa, and I matter. Maybe I'm just stuck pretending to be someone else, someone who gives everything to everyone just for a sliver of attention. Couldn't let myself exist alone, so I had to make up someone else to account for my loneliness. I made up a new person so I could please others, and I could finally feel like I was free because someone loved whoever I hid behind. They never loved ME, they didn't want Dylan, they wanted my facade. They wanted who I constantly pretended I was. The second I let the knot untie and be me, they leave. They don't want to handle me.