(no subject)

I'm so morbidly horrified of leaving my room. I feel like it's safe zone.. The second you exit the door you're free range and have a chance of just being shot if you're not wary. I don't even live in the slums or anything.. I rent in a really nice area, but I've just developed this undermining sense of fear. It just lingers there -- not enough that I have a reason to cry about it, but enough that I cry about it. I can't bear the thought of being away from my bed for longer than an hour. Even just going to the gas station next to my house worries me.

I was going to get drunk tonight so I can maybe forget a bit but no, I have to be so overwhelmed leaving my house I end up staying home. I've had 180+ absences already because I start crying the second I leave the car and start walking towards school. They won't even let me switch to online school since it's the middle of first semester.. I seriously have to bear another month of this hell?? There's no way I'm passing this year. I feel like a huge failure, I'm smarter than a 43.8% but I can't force myself to get up and go to fucking class.. I just want to live.